Gonzai Gallery

The intended family shindig/memorial for my uncle Jim didn't quite go off as planned yesterday, as Jim's best friends couldn't make it and my younger uncle had a diabetic, blind, deaf and partially paralyzed Labrador in tow. Meanwhile my brother's kids were quite overscheduled and a huge storm blew in while we were driving up. But once we got everything settled, we had a good day. Remind me, however, not play hockey with my nephews, at least not for an hour at a time, or on the same day I move a swing set. There's some serious muscle pulls going on here today.

Today was perfect weather-wise, so I took Mom to a couple high end homes. The first one was over 100 years old and had an amazing yard, flowers on top of flowers and a stone gazebo. The second was modern, but had a huge backyard fenced & was patioed perfectly, a huge flowered gazebo and a video arcade in the basement. Desperately needs color, though, it was relentlessly white/cream. Mom enjoyed both homes quite a bit.

It feels like I use all of my (few) holidays and (limited) vacation time to try and get things done for my mother, and half the time it still doesn't get done. See: 2.5 hours at the bank trying to get me on her account with power of attorney. This was the second time we tried to do this, the first time the attorney didn't give us the document in time. And it's still not done, because of course, my brother has to be physically present at the bank but he declined to show up because he saw no reason why he couldn't do it by phone. Because it's the bank's policy, not mine, that's why. Grrr. So he's still on the account as a joint owner, and I'm not a joint owner, just POA. Great. Hopefully I can drag his ass in there soon...except that's another half day of vacation.

Christmas Eve, Mike didn't snark too much, except for complaining about our artificial tree.  I told him if he was willing to go out, buy a tree, ship it to my house, put it up, decorate it, take it down after Christmas, take it to recycling and do that *every year*, then sure, we’d have a ‘real’ tree. There were no more comments about the tree.

Christmas…the younger nephew was obsessed with building Lego sets and barely acknowledged anyone. The older one was obsessed with their latest game system (4th system, for those counting) and wouldn’t do anything else. I wound up reading the guidebook to my Kindle because everyone but the little guy was busy playing video games. My brother only acknowledged me to make openly snarky remarks (“people who have *real* jobs don’t work Christmas week”, collecting anything is a sign of mental illness, etc) and finally at dinner, he launched several insults in quick succession at me, I snapped back, and he told me to leave. Then Mom was upset, because I was her ride home so if I left she felt she had to leave and she didn’t want to go, so his in-laws had to talk him into letting *our mother* stay. I doubt I’ll be invited back anytime soon and honestly, I don’t want to go. I’ve had enough crap from Mr 1%.

Things didn't improve after Friday. Turns out Hectic Red played their 25th anniversary gig Saturday. I didn't find out until that day...and I was too worn out and too broke to go. CJ did well in training Saturday, but I can't take her to either of the following classes, and she did more damage to her crate Sunday - in fact, there is a piece of crate she broke off and I can't even figure out where it came from. Went to Alphabet Soup with Dave on Sunday, but we arrived to find our fellow gamers on the sidewalk listening to the security alarm squawk. No idea how long it had been going off, but well before any of us got there. The person with the key was late and unreachable, but finally showed up. Missed part of the Ravens game as a result, and then my fave Raves both went down for the season. (I was also 2-11 at fantasy football.) My back and neck are killing me, I haven't been able to eat and I'm pretty sure I have both an ulcer and an infection. And then there was Mom. She flatly refused to go back to the day center and my brother and his wife backed her on it. She lost her wallet; she threw out a lot of the paperwork I had for her. I still have to take her to the doctor and the lawyer this week, and babysit the nephews. I don't see this week being any better than the weekend.

That's been my day. I'm not sure how or when, but my back was killing me this morning, especially my lower back, which isn't what usually bugs me. It got worse and worse at work, so much so that I left early, which is something I just don't do. But I could barely walk or sit up and that point, and driving hurt even worse. So naturally I left my 'Mom' folder at the office, the day we met with the lawyer.

The elder care portion of the program was fine - we all agreed on what we want to do and how to do it. Then came the fun part - deciding what happens with the house. The attorney started listing all the different options and the financial and tax implications of each, Mom had no idea what was going on, I didn't follow much and even my brother started asking 'Huh?' And naturally, he likes the options where I can live in the house, but he gets to tell me HOW I live in the house. Lovely. He's fixated on the idea of me living in a condo instead, because he's convinced I couldn't possibly be capable of living in a house. Can I afford a mortgage? No, but that's a moot point as the house will be paid off. Can I handle the other aspects of homeownership? I think so. But he doesn't believe it. Feh. Anyway, we had to stop the meeting due to time, now we're resuming in two weeks to keep talking house. (The rest of it will be done and ready for signature in two weeks.)

Then I came home and...found CJ had figured out how to get at my clothes from inside the crate. So I had to find some way to block off the sides of the crate, which wasn't what my back was up for, so I'm hurting all over again now. Enough already. I'm going to bed.

The elder care attorney my boss referred me to turned around and referred me to a 'geriatric care manager'. I'm not sure we necessarily need one right now but it probably won't be all that long until we do, so I'm going to try and set up an appointment. Worst case, I figure a neutral third party managing things will head my brother off at the pass. But mostly, I really need to get a legal PoA in place.

And I mean that literally; I've thought for the last couple of months that I've been rather odorous, which baffles me since I shower daily and wear deodorant and clean clothes. After the gym, yeah, sure then. But not the rest of the time. Yesterday, I stripped and remade the bed, and the clean sheets...smelled like they'd come from the gym. So I wondered...and I went downstairs and checked...and sure enough, we have no laundry detergent. Mom has been doing the laundry without detergent for at least two months. The laundry was the one thing she was still able to do, I thought, but now she thinks she can do it without soap and was peeved that I insisted we get detergent and use it. (For the record, yesterday she insisted on making dinner - and gave me still-frozen fish sticks, chili sauce, vegetables she knows I hate and no utensils. She didn't see the problem with this, either.) But if I dare suggest something's wrong...

She is getting really bad, the doctor won't give her another medication until at least the fall when he sees her again (yes, I tried), my brother doesn't believe anything is wrong and meanwhile I skipped gaming today because I didn't want to be more than 30 minutes away in case the next disaster happens.

The next few years are going to be just hilarious, I suspect.

While I was typing last night, the power went out. The battery backup is supposed to last 30 minutes, but only lasted 5. Lasted long enough for me to post and shut down the computer at least. And that was it for the power for 15 hours. No AC, in 100 degree weather. The radio stations I listen to were knocked off the air; my cell phone's tower was out. One of our oak trees came down on the neighbor's fence, I photographed it but they're not home and I'm sure the insurance and tree people are a little busy right now. It's been a rough day. I had to drive 10 miles out to get breakfast and a cell phone signal to call my brother about Mom's car, just so he could tear me a new one because Mom doesn't understand anything he says to her. Among other things, I asked if we could stay at his air-conditioned house and was informed he didn't particularly want either me or Mom there and don't you dare think of bringing a dog here. Well, at least I know if there's trouble at home, don't even bother asking my brother for help, just go straight to friends. F**k him.

Anyway, power's back for now, so trying to watch some TV while we have it.

I shot some pool. I think the last time I did was when my brother first bought his table, so that'd be ten years ago or so. But I shot a couple games with my nephews today and was surprised to discover I'm better at it than I thought. I still have the same problem I did back in the days of my youth, that being that while I can see the immediate shot, I can't visualize where the cue ball will end up afterwards. I can always sink the first shot, but there's rarely a second one available to me. All the same, I did much better than I expected at sinking the first shot and nearly ran the table on my older nephew at 8-ball. The cutthroat game took longer, because both boys kept missing any shot and bringing balls back to the table, but eventually I put that one away as well.

Now if I could just work on the whole spatial recognition thing...

We had a professional trainer/behaviorist come over last night for a consult. Interestingly, after the initial outrage (there is a stranger in our house!) CJ was fine with the trainer and even gave her face licks. It was Roxie who wanted nothing to do with her and wouldn't even accept treats. Anyway, the bottom line is going to be expensive. DAP & thundershirts for both dogs, at least one gate in the house (an extra layer of security against both being loose at once) and training, probably once a week but we were so tired after a 3 hour consult we weren't up to discussing it. And then Mom demonstrated she no longer knows how to write a check. Meep.

Then today she called me at work because she doesn't know if she paid property taxes last year. (I paid them online.) I told her I'd paid them in July and had given her the invoice with the date of payment noted on it for her to put in her records. Oh, was I suppose to keep that? she says. *headdesk* Well, I thought, I can at least get the amount off her bank statement. You guessed it - she threw those out as well, after I specifically told her to keep them in the file box I bought and organized specifically for important papers. I guess it's time for that box to become MY box and for ME to keep everything and not let her have anything if she's just going to toss important stuff. For an encore, due to the switch from Wachovia to Wells Fargo, her bank statements aren't online anymore. I can't get them back online unless I sign an agreement that from now on her statements will only be online, which both sounds wrong to me and will not go over well with Mom, who has no concept of anything not on paper. Blecch. Fortunately my brother now agrees it's time for me to completely take over day-to-day bills and paperwork, not just supervise it, and is willing to set up an appointment with an elder care attorney.

I really need a nap.